53 Examples of Self-Love

Did you know today (February 13th ) is Self-Love Day?

I’ve written about how practising Self-Love grows your business.. read it here

And I promised to share some ideas on what that can actually look like! 

To make it easier - think of self-love like romancing yourself. 

We don’t need to have a partner to experience romance. And to be honest, I believe that we shouldn’t put all our happiness and romance in one person’s hands. That’s too much pressure for them PLUS you're missing out on so many other ways you can experience romance. 

So, what does love and romance mean to you? Everyone's different. Some people love the idea of flowers, chocolates, love letters, surprises, pampering, special dinners.

What do you need to feel loved? Do you require:

• Words?

• Gifts?

• Touch?

• Quality Time?

• Acts of Service?

Perhaps you want/need all of the above in some form!? Then give that to yourself. That's what Self-Love means to me, at least. 

What we crave from others we actually crave from ourselves. Here are some ways that you can make your body, mind and soul feel special, loved, cared for and valued.

WORDS

• Write yourself a love letter and/or card and give it to yourself tomorrow!

• Read gorgeous poetry, or better still, write a poem to yourself.

• Look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you appreciate yourself.

• Write a message on your mirror in lipstick, something you’d love to read.

• Record yourself saying something loving to yourself and listen to it.

GIFTS

• Buy yourself your favourite flowers (better still, have them delivered).

• Save up and buy a gorgeous ring, necklace or bracelet and every time you look at it, let it remind you that you love who you are!

• Take yourself off to your favourite coffee shop and have that cupcake.

• Bake yourself a cake or cookies – heart shaped of course!

• Book yourself into a Spa.

• Treat yourself to something you have had your eye on. Get it gift wrapped.

• Make yourself breakfast in bed.

• Make sure you send yourself that love letter so you receive it in the post.

 

TOUCH

• Slather on gorgeous body lotion—be present and slow.

• Get a pedicure.

• Get a manicure.

• Dance to your favourite music and feel your body move.

• Give yourself a massage.

• Book a massage.

• Wear cashmere or silk.

• Wear gorgeous underwear.

• Book to have your hair done.

• Have a gorgeous bath with bubbles, champagne, candles and music. Feel the water all around you. Heavenly!

• Hug yourself!! Why not?

QUALITY TIME

• Listen to your body’s needs - stop when it tells you to! Set a time to finish working by.

• Spend more time doing what you love - in your business and your personal life.

• Write in a journal - allow your feelings out.

• Be mindful when you eat.

• Be mindful - full stop.

• Spend time in beautiful places.

• Make sure you take a lunch break (even if it's only short).

• Spend time in nature.

• Unplug.

• Meditate.

• Date Yourself...(scroll to the bottom for examples of Self-Dates).

ACTS OF SERVICE

• Say yes if someone offers to help you.

• Delete or delegate as many things as you can.

• Pay someone to iron your clothes.

• Have your car washed.

• Hire a cleaner.

• Hire a coach.

• Hire a personal trainer.

• Hire an assistant (a virtual one will also help you build your business).

• Hire a child-minder.

• Hire a chef.

• Get your shopping delivered.

• Remind yourself that you DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL YOURSELF.

Date yourself

Take yourself on a date! It's great fun. Don’t worry about other people thinking you look like a ‘loser’. In all honesty, many people will feel envious of the fact that you are obviously comfortable enough in your own skin to spend some quality ‘me time’.

Try one of these:

• Coffee shop.

• Cinema to watch the film none of your friends are interested in

• Take yourself on a walk and be present.

• Go to an art museum.

• Go to the beach (if you are lucky enough to live near one).

• Visit a nearby (or not so nearby) city and explore.

• Take your camera out and get some great shots.

What other examples do you have? What does Self-Love and Self-Care mean to you? 

Sending you so much love.
Emma xx
P.S. Not sure which category you fall into? Take the Love Language Quiz and find out which of the areas above you crave the most. 

7 WAYS SELF-LOVE INCREASES YOUR BUSINESS

SELF-LOVE & HOW IT BUILDS YOUR BUSINESS

7 Ways Loving Yourself More Will Increase Your Business

Running a business can be stressful enough. Add to that a partner, children and family. Plus, you may have a 9-5 too or if you're full-time self-employed you may have found yourself in the feast or famine cycle. Even if you have consistent clients and money each month, then there’s social media, marketing and creating new, fresh content.

We can end up spinning in our wheels. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. Far from it.

I want you to take a deep breath, put the kettle on and switch everything else off as you read the rest of this…

“Self-Love = Success”

And I’m not just talking soaks in the baths and early nights (although I do highly recommend them).

I’m talking about building a strong relationship with YOURSELF. 

Unless you’re bringing in a lot of automated passive income, your business needs YOU.

And one of the best ways to ensure you (and your business) remain healthy, consistent and on top form is to invest time in YOURSELF. 

I know, I know. You’re wondering how the hell you’ll fit all that into your schedule too. But hear me out.

Self-Love means you:

1) Put yourself (and your business!) first regularly. 

Rather than bottom of the pile. 

Even the airlines tell us, we have to put our own oxygen mask on first. When we practise self-love, putting ourselves first becomes easier. You’ll start to see that putting your own needs before your partner, children, parents actually serves them better in the long-run. 

Okay, I’m not talking ALL the time or neglecting your kids. I just mean that you make it clear that you and your business have needs as well. After all, your business’ success may well be the family ticket to financial freedom. You’ll be able to send your kids to the best schools, pay for incredible holidays and experiences together and even enable your partner to retire early. This doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly won’t happen if you always drop everything and rush to their needs. 

Do what you need to do. Hire a cleaner. Get more childcare (when COVID buggers off and we can!). Hire a VA (virtual assistant). Explain to your partner what your BIG vision is and that you'll be unavailable. Create a space for you to work with the least distraction possible. 

And don’t just work! Self-care for you and your business means having time to switch off too.

2) Allow yourself to dream BIG!

When you practise self-love it means you simultaneously build your self-belief and confidence muscles. They go hand-in-hand and act like a team. 

Self-love enables you to not just KNOW that your business dreams are possible but you’ll actually take strides to make them happen!

3) Set clear boundaries & speak up

Following on from the last two points: make sure when you say yes to someone/thing you aren’t saying no to yourself. 

Don’t feel you have to take on extra work or clients that are less than ideal. The more you do this, the less you’ll have time and space for your YESES and your dream clients. 

Keep practising saying what you mean. Let your yeses be yeses and nos be nos. 

As one of my coaches always says: "If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!"

Ask yourself: is this in alignment with my dream lifestyle and business vision?

4) Make better business decisions

The more we practise self-love, the more we're drawn to doing things that give us headspace. The more you do this the more creative you’ll be. The more amazing ideas you’ll get to serve your clients and bring in income. 

When we have a strong relationship with ourselves we listen to our gut instinct. We are less likely to do things just because others in our industry are. We become more authentic. We allow ourselves to be guided by what’s true to us. 

And that means you…

5) Stand out in your industry

The more you practise self-love the more you accept and embrace all your quirks and what makes you unique. This means you'll happily show up in a way that shows you're different to everyone else and you will stand out. 

You'll create a brand that is a true reflection of YOU. It sounds simple but honestly - allowing yourself to choose the colours, styles, clothes, fonts, website, images that reflect YOU is a game changer in business. You will shine like a lighthouse to your ideal clients. 

It becomes easier to create content too because you’re being YOU and you know your message.

6) Understand that you’re not for everyone

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

— Dita Von Teese

There will always be someone (either a stranger trolling online or even a so-called friend) who'll make a comment about you and your business. 

The more self-love you have, the less this will knock you. You’ll grow a thicker skin and any comments will just be like water off a duck’s back. 

Consequently, putting yourself out there on social media won’t feel as scary because you know you’re coming from a place of service and if some people don’t get it, that’s just them.

7) Make time for your health and life-balance

Self-love means you won’t spend every waking hour working. It means you’ll be more compassionate with yourself. You’re not a robot! Don’t expect yourself to be.

If you get no sleep, eat at your desk and don’t get any exercise and fresh air (not to mention fun!) this will not serve you or your business in any way. 

The more you practise self-love the more you’ll start to take better care of yourself. It will become a habit. 

And remember: self-love means you’ll want to do more of what you LOVE which will include spending quality time with your loved one. 

See – I told you this was a win-win for your children, partner, family and friends!

So next time you find yourself burning the candle at both ends, stop and ask yourself what YOU want and need and then give it to yourself guilt-free. 

Leave a comment below telling me how you intend to show yourself some more love and compassion.

Emma x

WHY YOU NEED TO USE PARKINSON'S LAW IN YOUR BUSINESS

WHY YOU NEED TO USE PARKINSON'S LAW IN YOUR BUSINESS

We've all done it, right...

• You get an invite to a wedding 6 months beforehand yet you're still finishing curling your hair 10 minutes before you need to leave for the church. 

OR

• You have all week to complete a task but waited until 3:30pm on the Friday - but you still get it done!

These are examples of Parkinson's Law

“Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”

— Parkinson's Law

So what do we need? DEADLINES.

And that’s okay when someone has a boss breathing down their neck in a 9-5 but what if you're your own boss??

In the podcast today, I shared 5 ways you can cleverly utilise this powerful 'Law' and get more stuff done in a lot less time. 

Please note: if it doesn't play immediately, give it a couple of seconds...

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Tell me below what sort of things you do to set clear deadlines in your business.

Emma xx

Map Out a Year's Worth of Content Ideas in a Day (PODCAST)

HOW TO MAP OUT A YEAR'S CONTENT IN A DAY 

Today I'm excited to share my method for mapping out a YEAR of content ideas in a day. Now when I say that, I'm not saying I WRITE the entire year's worth but I map it out. 

This means I'm never having to face a blank screen and flashing cursor or wonder what the heck to post about on social media that week. 

It also means there is a PURPOSE behind my content which means more direction and my followers actually understand what is is that I do and how I can help them.  

I'm going to walk your through the exact process I used here:

Please note: if it doesn't play immediately, give it a couple of seconds...

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Add your name and email below if you'd like the excel spreadsheet and monthly and weekly planning sheets I use. These took me a couple of hours to make so save yourself the time and just download them for FREE.

Leave a comment below to tell me your top takeaway from this episode.

Emma xx

How to Get More Done in Less Time

HOW TO GET MORE DONE IN LESS TIME ⏰🙌🏼

We’ve all done this: you decide to tidy your living-room and take the coffee cups ☕️ to the kitchen; then you empty the dishwasher and wipe the surfaces; you decide to wash the dishcloth and realise the machine is full of dry clothes 👖that need putting away; you put the towels away and spot the hoover; you vacuum the whole house and so on and so forth…

At all times you’re very busy but you're not actually doing the ONE thing you set out to do – tidy the living room.

That’s the same with our business – how many times have you caught yourself with 14 tabs open on your browser and realise you’re multi-tasking? 

Multi-tasking robs you of productivity.

This was the way I functioned for a very long time. Multi-tasking everything.

That’s what women do, right?

Wrong. Men have got it right here, ladies.

I know I’m grossly generalising here - that’s only to bring home the point...

We aren’t serving ourselves or others when we try to do 15 things at once.

Here’s a fact that will stop you in your tracks...

Did you know - it takes THIRTEEN minutes for our brains to get refocused on what we were doing before we get distracted by something else.  😵

Think about how many lots of 13 minutes we can waste every day not to mention how draining this is for our brain.

In my video today, I shared 3 things you can do to get more done in less time:
 

1) Switch off all distractions – turn your phone on airplane mode.

2) Set a timer – this keep you aware and focussing on the ONE task at hand.

3) Batch jobs – do similar things at the same time.

Tell us in the comments, what do you do to keep focussed on one thing at a time?

Emma xx

How to Get Things Done in your Business When You Have a 9-5/Kids/Busy Life

HOW TO GET THINGS DONE IN YOUR BUSINESS WHEN YOU HAVE A 9-5/KIDS/BUSY LIFE

1) The most simple answer is: make sure you prioritise it.

It’s too easy to get home at the end of the day, exhausted and throw on your pjs and binge watch Netflix. Yep! Been there when I was teaching and trying to set up my business.

Look at the overall aim of why you want your business. What are your aims in 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? When we do this is helps to prioritise. We need to see WHY we are putting in the effort especially in the beginning when it feels like nothing’s really happening day to day.

2) Don’t underestimate the power of doing small things often.

Missing the odd social media/blog/newsletter here or there doesn’t seem like the end of the world when we have so much to keep on top of.

And when you aren’t getting the engagement you wanted on the posts/email it can feel even more tempting not to bother (Yep! Been there too!)

But the compound effect of doing this regularly WILL affect your business.

Do you know that if you saved a penny, and doubled the amount every day, by the end of just one month you’d have over FIVE million pounds?!?

What would this compound effect look like in your business if you did even just one small thing each day?
 

I created a video about this (and shared one of my favourite books) today. Click the image below to watch

What small thing do you do on a consistent basis that has given you BIG results in your business/life?

Emma xx

60+ Blog Post Ideas for Image Consultants

Hello lovely, 

So you're an Image Consultant/Personal Stylist? Great! I used to be one myself actually. 

• Do you know you need to be sharing your knowledge but feel terrified that you'll end up giving all your 'secret sauce' away and potential clients won't need to bother hiring you? 

Yep. Been there and done that!

• Or perhaps you want to write a blog but get stuck whenever you try to write a new post?

THEN YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE...

Keep reading and I'll explain why you mustn't be afraid of sharing your knowledge and give you over 60 fabulous ideas for blog posts and newsletters that every Image Consultant can use.

To be a success you need potential clients to KNOW that you are the go-to-woman when it comes to all things clothes and style related. DO NOT worry about giving away information for free! That’s the biggest mistake I see many entrepreneurs making when it comes to communicating with their 'tribe'. 

I know it sounds rather counter-intuitive but you should be happily writing ‘How To’ articles. I know lots of Image Consultants who hold back through fear of 'giving away too much of their knowledge' (that was me back in 2008!). But it doesn't work like that. Let's be honest, if they can buy a book on it or Google it then you shouldn't be afraid of writing about it!! 

Therefore, YOU and your blog/newsletter need to be a source of information. 

You need to show you are an expert in your field. 

I can assure you that your Ideal Clients will want YOU to do this work FOR them! That's why people hire Image Consultants and Personal Stylists. They want someone to tell them what to wear. They want someone to choose items for them to buy. They want to be told which colours suits them. They want an expert; someone to build their confidence and bring them out of their comfort zone. And that someone is YOU!

Yes you may inspire some to have a go and do it for themselves but they wouldn’t have been hiring you anyway, right?!

To help you along the way I have created a list of over 60 Blog Posts Ideas for Image Consultants and Personal Stylists.

Enter your name and email address for instant access...

Emma xx

How my health, finances (& whole life) improved when I left my ‘safe’ job and started my own business

• I believe one of the best ways to ensure we are happy and healthy is to get paid to do what we love.

• Some find happiness in a job and others - like you and me - actually create that role in the form of a business. For us it’s a way to experience true joy in our lives.

• I’m on a mission to inspire as many women as possible to turn their dream business into reality and to dispel the myth that:

Having a job = security

and

Running a business = risk

I learnt the hard way that the opposite is in fact true for me.

Most of my family and friends found their ‘thing’ in the form of a job and are very happy and definitely in their Zone of Genius. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for me.

I thought there must be something wrong with me. I wondered why my job was making me so ill and unhappy. I couldn’t understand why I had this longing for something else and why a black cloud hovered over the weekdays but would lift at the weekends. 

I worked in a primary school, and although I was graded an outstanding teacher and loved being with the children, I couldn’t help but wish for something else. Most of the other teachers were exhausted too so I thought that was just what happened when you grew up and got a job.

I’d crawl to the weekends and count down the days to the next holiday.

I started considering alternatives, but fear and doubt took over. I’d only studied teaching at university. I couldn’t think how else I could use my skills. I didn’t think I even HAD any other skills.

Plus I thought starting a business was a ‘risk’. So I ignored the quiet whisper telling me there was something else out there.

As the months went by, crippling fatigue consumed me and much of my salary was spent trying to regain my health. In 2004, my body decided enough was enough and I ended up in hospital. I came out in a wheelchair diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome.

Even after all that, I STILL continued to ignore that voice. I did all I could to regain my health and managed to build myself up to working full-time again and then...

BAM.

I lost my job.

Then my boyfriend dumped me (10 weeks after buying me an engagement ring!).

I had to move back in with my parents - not what I was hoping for at 28.

With nothing left to lose, I started a business.

What I didn’t expect was how much my health would improve as I started doing more of what I loved. It felt like I had a new lease of life.

When all of those things happened I thought life must really hate me. What I now realise is that if we go down the wrong path, our body will do whatever it can to make us aware. Gut-feelings are there to guide us and if we don’t listen, the clues get much louder.  

I dread to think where I’d be now if life hadn’t taken over like that. I wouldn’t be running an international coaching business that fills me with energy and excitement or be in a wonderful relationship with an incredible man

While it’s not easy running a business, it’s certainly not as risky as people make it out to be. You know what’s riskier? Remaining in a job that sucks the life and soul out of you.

Along the way I’ve learn to listen to, trust and follow my gut, even if I don’t know what it has in store for me.

IF YOU HAVE THE DESIRE TO START A BUSINESS THEN YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF (AND THOSE YOU LOVE) TO LISTEN AND MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

“Musicians must make music, artists must paint, poets must write if they are to be ultimately at peace with themselves. What human beings can be, they must be.”

— Abraham Maslow.

Just like introverts need to have their own space to recharge, some people NEED to become an entrepreneur in order to express themselves fully. Otherwise we wilt.

A lot of fear comes up when we think about running our own business. Whether you have a business dream you’d love to make a reality, or own a business and want to quit your 9-5, here are 5 reasons why running a business (that you love) is actually far SAFER than remaining in a job (you hate):

1) Improved health

When we love what we do, we’re more passionate and filled with energy. This invigorates our body. It’s been proven that the happier we are the healthier we are. Did you know that more people have a heart attack at 9am on a Monday morning than any other time of the week? Coincidence? I think not.

2) Earning potential

Money: the area that freaks people out the most when thinking about running a business.

I want to reassure you that with the right mindset and business structures in place, you can actually earn a lot more as an entrepreneur than in your ‘secure’ job. I get paid more in 1 hour working with a client than I used to in a whole day as a teacher. There is no ceiling to how much you can make when you’re the boss, unlike many industries that are capped even if you make it to the top.

3) No sudden redundancies

If your workplace makes cuts there’s no guarantee that your hard work will help you stay.

4) Better work-life balance

Once you’ve established your business, you can take time off when you want/need to. No more asking permission to take a holiday or go to the dentist.

5) Better relationships

Nobody wants to come home from a hard day at work and be a grouch to those they love.

As Charles Handy said: “We have a chance to shape our work to suit the way we live instead of our lives to fit our work...We would be mad to miss the chance.”

I now help other women to make their dream of running a business a reality.

I hope my story gives you - the woman who has BIG dreams of running a business - the motivation to get out there and make it happen.

Permission to get paid to do what you love...GRANTED!

Where are you on your journey? Are you in a 9-5 that sucks the life and soul out of you? Have you pursued what you love and started your own business? What have you noticed as a result of that? 

Emma

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I’m a primary school teacher turned entrepreneur. I love helping other women - just like you - to create businesses that enable them to get paid to do what you LOVE. 

Are You Sabotaging Your Success?

Have you ever found yourself saying you want something, for example to lose a few lbs, and then suddenly you're craving (and eating!) chocolate like it's going out of fashion? Or perhaps you seem to go out of your way to NOT care for yourself?

This is SELF-Sabotaging

Self-sabotaging behaviour occurs when we say we want something but then we seem to (subconsciously) do whatever we can to make sure it doesn't happen. We all get in our own way occasionally but the problem arises when we do it repeatedly.

I see this pattern in so many of my clients and I can easily fall into these habits too, unless I am careful.

Examples of self-sabotage:

•     procrastinating on something that we know would benefit us
•     overeating when we have decided to improve our diet
•     quitting when the going gets tough
•     spending too much time planning rather than taking ACTION
•     driving people away or starting an argument

WHY do we self-sabotage?

It all starts in your subconscious mind: this part of our brain is more advanced than any computer in the world.

When we experience pain - whether physical or emotional - our mind searches even harder for the cause of the pain. It locks onto that and remembers the cause (even if you don't) and then it does everything it can to stop you moving towards that pain ever again.

Clever, huh?

Our brain is designed to move us towards pleasure also, however, it will always do more to avoid pain!

Therefore, we can never succeed at anything if we simultaneously link pain and pleasure to the same thing.

When I realised this is was a huge light-bulb moment.

One of the greatest fears in life is to be rejected by others. Our subconscious mind will therefore avoid any situation where we could be rejected. This can include: not talking to someone we are attracted to; not starting a new business we have a longing for in case "they" criticise; not asking for a promotion.

Enter the extraordinarily effective behaviour of SELF-SABOTAGE!

We go into fight and flight or...FREEZE. We put things off. We put our heads in the sand rather than face something that feels unpleasant.

Our subconscious mind is not the "evil monster" people believe it to be: it really is on our side. It just doesn't realise that its limiting behaviour is actually causing us agony and frustration.

Causes:

•     Fear of change
•     Fear of success
•     Low self-esteem

It results from a misguided attempt to keep ourselves SAFE. Our mind is trying to rescue us from our own negative feelings.

Sadly, in life we will come across people who will happily tell us exactly what they think. Haters are always going to hate! I have someone in my life who seems to enjoy belittling whatever I do. For a long time I would let the fear of people like him hold me back. I stood in my own way to avoid any perceived "treat". When we fear an attack then understandably our brain will do whatever it can to prevent this.

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4 ways to prevent your self-saboteur rearing its head?

1) Awareness

Become a keen observer of the critical statements that run through your mind that might be causing you the fear: these are what lead to the self-sabotaging behaviour. For example if you want to lose weight but in your head you are thinking of all the months ahead that will consist of nothing but rabbit food and starvation, then clearly your subconscious is not going to be too thrilled by the idea.

2) Know that it is very common behaviour

Many of us will at least occasionally do something to prevent change. After all, our brains are designed to keep the status quo. It really helped me to understand this so I didn't feel like such a 'loser' when I seemed to be putting obstacles in my way. Again: awareness is the key to all change.

3) Reassure Yourself

As Brad Yates says: self-sabotage is misguided self-love. Our brain thinks it is doing the best for us. It is therefore OUR responsibility to take back the control. You wouldn't seek advice on major decisions from a child would you? But this is essentially what you are doing whenever you let your actions (or lack of them!) become governed by your emotions. Speak nicely to yourself; reassure your fearful self.

4) Change what you link pain and pleasure to

You now know that it's your brain stepping in and obstructing you because it is linking more pain than pleasure to the change you want to make. So, you need to change the balance - you need to dial down the pain and amp up the pleasure. Let me show you how...

Take the example of applying for a new job.
Write out what you link pain to e.g.

•     I might not get it.
•     I could be rejected.
•     I'll look stupid.

List the negative thoughts that come up.

Next turn that into pleasure: e.g.

•     I'll get interview experience.
•     I'll be taking action towards my goal.
•     No one can make me feel stupid - only I have that power.
•     I am more than good enough for the role.
•     I will be so proud of myself for stepping outside my comfort zone.
•     And so on...

Every time you think of the change you want to make (apply for a new job in this case) you need to remind yourself of all the pleasure associated with it.

Have a go. Choose something that you have been stalling on and turn all the negatives (pain) into the positive (pleasure) and see how different you feel.

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Your thoughts control your feelings

Your feelings control your actions

Your actions control your behaviour

If you just try to change your behaviour, you won't get very far - that's just a symptom. To really change your behaviour you have to change your feelings and that starts with reprogramming the way you talk to your self - your thoughts!

They are YOUR thoughts and you are free to change them! Yes, really!

So, what have you been putting off? Are you in FREEZE mode? Write a list of 5 things you know you could do that would transform your life from where it is to where you want to be.

I'd love to hear your comments in the box below.

And as always, if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send me an email and ask away.
Much love,
Emma xx

Embracing Your Uniqueness

This is my personal story about how my relationship with not only myself but with men changed after I overcame my need to be accepted by others. I've had a couple of serious relationships but I'm a different person to who I used to be and therefore I want different things from a relationship and in a man than I used to.

All of my adult-life I've worked with either children or women so the chances of meeting someone at work were slim-to-none! Back in 2007, after a 6 year relationship ended, I tried Internet dating. I met some really lovely people and had two relationships which lasted over 2 years, but I wanted more. I knew I was holding back. I knew that I was after something different. I wasn’t being fully ME. I didn't feel "safe" to be myself.

If you have ever felt like you wear a “mask” then you'll know what I mean. If you've ever suffered with low self-esteem then you will know what I mean.

When I was a little girl my parents used to call me Emma Quite Contrary after the book:

As I got older, instead of just being myself, I tried to fit into what I thought was “normal”. What a dangerous slippery slope that was! I wasn't even doing it consciously: I had (unknowingly) totally lost sight of who I was.

Having done a lot of personal development, I had not only gained the confidence I had always craved but clarity on the type of relationship I wanted. I felt ready.

It was time to embrace my uniqueness. I'm quirky. I'm Emma Quite Contrary. Over these last few years I have not only learned to accept this but to embrace it.

So in August 2014, I decided to go back to online dating.

I want to share one paragraph I wrote on my Match.com profile:

"I don't even believe in star signs, so I hate to admit that I appear to be a true Gemini - the twins! I like creature comforts but loved travelling around Thailand with nothing but a backpack and spare change. I find the glitz of city lights just as appealing as being in my wellies walking through puddles in a forest; nights out drinking cocktails delight me as much as sipping green juice on a mountain top. For me, variety really is the spice of life."

You see, I AM contrary and I need that in my life. It's who I am. I believe many of us are.

Here are some of my contrasting needs:

• I crave parties and solitude
• I'm a wannabe veggie (I rarely eat meat) but my favourite meal is my Dad's Thai Chilli Beef Salad
• I am serious and a big kid
• I need summer and winter
• I love 5* hotels and camping
• I enjoy action-packed thrillers as much as slushy romcoms
• Cars don't interest me yet I bought my dream sports car last year
• I hate being cold, however, I must have an Arctic temperature bedroom at night

I am a mass of contradictions and I wouldn't have it any other way.

And guess what?

That's exactly what my wonderful boyfriend is like too. He totally accepts me for who I am. I have no idea what the future holds for the two of us but I do know that I am not prepared to "dilute" myself like I used to.

Whilst it is, of course, wonderful to have someone who accepts me for all of my quirks, I have learnt that it is far more important to love and accept myself. I feel so much more content.

Give yourself the ultimate gift: gain clarity on who you are then connect with and fully EMBRACE every part.

What part of you have you been covering up? What are your quirks? What makes you unique? Dig deep to find them and then delight in these – they are what makes you YOU!

Until next time, get quirky, get unique!

Emma xx

Photo credit: Pinterest

EMERGENCY GUIDE TO BODY CONFIDENCE

I have been so touched by the candid responses to my Body Confidence Survey. Thank you to everyone who completed it. 

Here are some of the results so far:

Question: How does your body image hold you back in life?

• 86% Notice only negative things in the mirror;
• 80% Criticise their body regularly;
• 79% Constantly compare themselves to others;
• 64% Feel generally miserable when they think about their body;
• 58% Find it hard to accept compliments;
• 57% Are body-conscious in social situations;
• 50% Hate shopping for clothes;
• 36% Wish they had a more exciting wardrobe but don't have the confidence to "pull it off";
• 35% Are self-conscious in front of their partner;
• 29% Say it affects their sex life;
• 15% Skip events because they don’t think they look good enough;

Question:  How would you sum up how you feel about your body? (Here are just a few of the responses)

• "Imperfect. Disgusting." 
• "Gross, sad, ugly"
• "Disappointed, unhealthy, wobbly, blobby, fat"
• "Inelegant & clumsy"
• "Depressed"
• "Embarrassed"
• "Fed up. Dejected. Demotivated"
• "Fat and unattractive"
• "Disappointed. Old. Aged. Frustrated"
• “Some days we're friends but more often than not me and my body are barely pals, it tries to get me to like it but some days it's just not going to happen."
• "Unhappy, frustrated, unattractive"
• "Could be improved!"

This makes me so sad but I also get it! I used to feel all these things too. Today, I want to share my mindset tips for instantly feeling better about yourself and the way you look, especially if you have a social event you've been dreading!! 

HERE IS MY '6 STEP EMERGENCY MINDSET GUIDE FOR GETTING BODY-CONFIDENCE FAST!'

1 :: THINK OF YOUR 95 YEAR OLD SELF

When you’re 95 will you care what you looked like? Will you be wishing you'd been thinner, taller or prettier? Or will you wish you'd just had more fun in your life? 

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

2 :: STOP WAITING FOR YOUR ‘REAL LIFE’ TO START

How often do we say: “When I look _____, I’ll feel happier.” Sorry to spoil the ending for you but you won’t! Harsh but true. Stop putting your life on hold. Live now. This is your life - right here, right now!

When you reach your ideal weight you won’t feel any more confident unless you work on the real issue.

Which leads me on to the next point...

3 :: YOUR BODY CONFIDENCE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR ACTUAL BODY!!!

It's all between the temples!

Yep! That's right. Your level of body confidence is all mindset.

We all know people who don't see their beauty. I've worked with many teens and adults who tell me how disgusting different parts of their bodies are. I literally don't see it! I don't get what they find so repulsive about themselves. That made me realise that perhaps I too was being far too critical of my own appearance.

There are people out there in the world who'd love to have YOUR hair face, nose, eyes, teeth, boobs, stomach, arms, bum, leg etc. 

4 :: ZOOM OUT!

When we look at ourselves it becomes far too easy to focus on the parts we dislike. Instead take a step back and ‘zoom out’. Look at yourself as a whole package rather than just the areas you dislike. Then highlight your favourite features.

5 :: YOU'RE SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR APPEARANCE!

When you think about what you love about your best friend, mum or sister I can pretty much guarantee it has very little to do with their appearance. We don’t like and love people just because of their outer shell. We love them for who they are. Remember that. People at the social gathering want to be with you because of YOU and not because of the way you look.

6:: USE THE F-WORD

And no, I’m not talking about 'FAT'.

Do you want to go to the social gathering? If not, why? You need a reason better than: “I don’t like the way I look.” Or “I have nothing to wear.” Trust me, you’re going to feel a heck of a lot worse if you stay at home because you feel unattractive than if you get your gladrags on, pour yourself a glass of wine and say: “F@#k it, I’m going to have fun tonight.”

Give these a try and let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear from you. 
 

Emma  XX

P.S. Wondering how you can transform the relationship you have with your body? I've created a BODY CONFIDENCE course just for you. Find out more here.

INSPIRING BUSINESS DREAMS: HAIRDRESSING

This is the 2nd in my 'Inspiring Interview' series and I'm delighted to feature a very talented and highly driver woman: Nina Warden. 

I'll leave you to soak up the wisdom she has to share from running her own hairdressing business for the last 4 years. 

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule, Nina. Please tell us what it is that you do:

I own a hair and beauty business and I help busy women feel beautiful. We all know how much better we feel when our hair is done or we have a tan and my passion is helping busy ladies that are juggling work/family life, by providing a salon service in the comfort of their own home.

What do you love about what you do?

I love making women feel good about themselves, actually no, I love making women feel amazing about themselves. I think there is a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way and I think our world is becoming even more this way from what we see and read in the media. We can all be so self critical and my mission is to give women the confidence they deserve, not only by looking good, but feeling it too.

What were you doing before?

Before starting my business I was managing a large salon and had done for two years. Prior to that I worked in HR for a large corporate company.

What made you choose this business?

The hair and beauty industry is so fast paced and I wanted a career that I'd always be able to learn more. Being a hairdresser and spray tan therapist allows me to constantly learn new techniques and I can truly say I love what I do. My husband said to me a few months back, "I think what you do is really special." I was of course touched by his comment, but asked him what he meant. He replied and said "You have the power to not only change how someone looks, but how they feel to and I just think that must be a really amazing feeling"
I had never really thought about it in this way before, but he was so right, it is an amazing feeling and that is exactly why I love what I do.

Do you run your business full-time, part-time or alongside a 9-5?

Full-time for the last four years.

How does your Dream Business reflect your gifts, strengths and personality?!

I like to think of my business like a stick of rock, if you cut through the middle, you'd see my personality running through it. My branding is me, with a strong identity and I'm really proud of that. I like to think it makes people feel relaxed and warm because they get to see the real person behind the brand.

I think one of my strengths is organisation, which does really help when running a business as everything you see, is created and done by me.  Whether that's my website content, my monthly blog or my social media content. A lot of time and energy goes into that, to reflect what I'm about. I love to share beauty tips on my Facebook page or quotes that I think will resonate with my clients. I love that I have the freedom to create anything I want to and that no day is ever the same.

What was the biggest obstacle/s (physical, emotional or financial) you had to overcome?

Back in 2013 when I was first starting out, I remember feeling so strange when everyone was going back to work after Christmas and I wasn't. It felt super exciting, but so scary all at the same time. But at that point the reality was, I wasn't employed anymore. I had no job and no wages coming in! I had no clients! So I worked my butt off to get my name out there, to connect with people. But it wasn't easy, one of the biggest things I had to overcome was fear. Fear of being visible in my business and this is something that I continue to work on even now, almost 4 years on. People won't just find you, you have to work consistently to find them.

How different is your life now to what it was before?

Oh completely different. I used to come home from the salon and feel completely drained, stressed and frustrated. In fact so much so, it was beginning to make me ill.
But now, I love spending my days working with my clients 1:1 or creating new things for my business that will offer my clients great value.
I continue to fall in love with my business everyday and I genuinely count myself very lucky for having such amazing clients to share it all with. Don't get me wrong, my days are long and I always have so much to do, not just in my business but on it as well, but I wouldn't swap it for where I used to be, not in a million years.

If you knew then what you know now what advice would you give your former self, as you embarked on creating/starting your business?

I would say believe in yourself and keep going. I was really lucky to have a great support network around me that really encouraged me and made me realise I could do this. But running a business can be a lonely journey. No one really understands what it's like unless they're doing it. No one ever tells you about all the "other stuff" and by that I mean; the putting yourself out there. No one tells you that running a business is like an emotional rollercoaster at times that it's pretty certain you will work 10x harder for yourself than when you worked for somebody else. That you will have many different hats to wear, including CEO, Administrator, Marketing Manager, Content Creator and Writer and so many more in between. But the other thing that hardly anyone tells you is that no matter how hard it is and how hard you work, if you love what you do, it's the most amazing job you'll ever have.

How did you KNOW this was what you wanted to do?!

I always wanted to make a difference to people. To give women the confidence they deserved. To give women the right to be their own kind of beautiful, not what the media says they should be. The salon environment isn't always for everyone either, I think it's often like marmite. Some people love it and others hate it, they can't afford to take three hours out of their day or they feel a bit vulnerable, sitting in a crowded salon with wet hair in front of a large mirror. But whether they love it or loathe it, every woman deserves to feel beautiful.

A client of mine text me a little while ago just to say thank you and those little things mean so much. I also knew that after 2 years of managing a large salon I wanted something different. I didn't just want to be another "mobile hairdresser" that would trim your ends for a fiver, I wanted to give a high level of service at an affordable price. I wanted to retail the right shampoos, conditioners and styling products to my clients so that they can have the best hair possible.

What would you say to someone else who is thinking of creating their dream business?

I would say do it! But, be under no illusion it's hard work! However if you are prepared to put in the hard graft, it can be the most amazing journey you'll ever have. I remember someone saying to me once,"it must be lovely to work for yourself, you can do what you want, when you want." Some of that I agree with, the flexibility is great, however, unlike employed people, I don't get paid when I don't work. Being self employed is a far world away from long lunches and lazy days. I think I'm quite lucky, I am extremely disciplined, but it's not for everyone. With the job I have, my evenings and Saturdays are often taken up with work, because that's what my clients need and for the first 3 years I would often be working 6 days a week. I didn't begrudge that time, because I had to build my clientele and I truly love what I do. It's been only more recent months that I've started to take a Wednesday off. (Although quite often, I'm using that day to work on new blog posts etc) but it works for me and I wouldn't change any of it.

Anything else you would like to share?!

Life is way too short for regrets and if you have the drive, determination and a passion for what you do, then you're half way there. Running your own business is definitely a journey, not a destination. The journey is full of adventures, good and bad, but it's so worth it.

You can check out Nina and the work she does here:

Nina's Website

Nina's Facebook page

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Are you dreaming of running your own business too? Maybe you don't know where to even start or you run and business but feel stuck with what to do next to get more clients and more money so you can spend your days doing what you love? 

If 2017 is the year you want to make your dream business a reality, you're in the right place, gorgeous. 

Book a FREE call to find out how I could help:

Terrified to solo travelling...this story will blow you away.

One of my clients had her own first paying client today!!!! Wooohooo! This is a woman who came to me for coaching, earlier this year, not having a clue what she wanted to do in any area of her life.

She had so much self-hatred and self-doubt that it stopped her making decisions - she couldn't trust herself to make the right one.

She hated her job. She also hated being alone - she would busy herself with anything to avoid being by herself, including getting in a car and driving around with the music on so she didn't have to face her own thoughts.

Just 11 coaching sessions later (she is in "such a good place right now" that she asked to keep the 12th one until the New Year to do some more business coaching) she:

• Got clear on what she wants to be, do and have in each area of her life.
• Learnt to really like who she is.
• Learnt to BELIEVE in herself and trust her decisions.
• Re-decorated her flat to make it a place she's excited to spend time in.
• Stood up for herself in front of those in her life (her boss and certain members of her family) who used to speak to her like a child. 
• Created a blog and social media accounts. 
• Started a business she is giddy about.
• Got her first paying client!! 

AND...the part that gives me EVEN more goosebumps...she's just booked a flight to go SOLO travelling to Bali at the end of December.

Yes...SOLO!!! Just think about the person she had to grow into and become, to even consider that let alone book it. 

She doesn't even recognise herself.

To say I am proud of her is an understatement.

THIS is why I LOVE what I do.
 

If 2016 hasn't turned out the way you hoped it would then there's still time to do something about it. 

I help my clients to: 

1. GET CLEAR ON WHAT THEY WANT

2. BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES

3. MAKE IT HAPPEN

Ready to create a life that you're giddy about? When you know what you want and have the belief that you can make it happen, ANYTHING is possible.

Book a FREE call with me and let's talk about how we could make that happen for you, so YOU begin 2017 the person you always wanted to be. 

This is what other clients of mine had to say after I posted this story in my Facebook group:

A LOT can happen in 7 weeks with me as your coach. Get that champagne on ice ready for a New Year to really celebrate!

Emma xx

P.S. Book a complimentary call with me to find out how YOU too can create a life that excites you.

Quotes and inspiration to do what you love

Have you downloaded my FREE workbook yet?

I teach you the steps I took to go from employee to entrepreneur. 

How I Got Into The Huffington Post

As you may have seen, I'm now a Huffington Post contributor and my first article went live Friday. Wooohoooo! You can read it here: HuffPost

Thank you for the lovely comments from those of you who saw the link on my Facebook page or group.

I'm sure you're aware of the importance of being as visible as possible when you run a business and, along with congratulations, I've had lots of you ask how I made it happen. So here you go...

These are the 5 steps I take to get into well-known magazines/ blogs/ publications:

1) I got clear on my ICA (ideal client avatar)

In a nutshell, my ICA is a woman who wants to get paid to do what she loves. She feels unfulfilled and has had enough of Sunday Blues and dreading Mondays. Her end goal is to go from employee to entrepreneur and run a successful business. I teach her how to set up the essential business structures and to believe in herself so she can confidently get out there, get visible and get clients.  

(I help my clients get clients by clarify their ICA so they know exactly who to market to and what language to use so they get more bookings/money.)

2) I got clear on what blogs/magazines my ICA reads
 

The Huffingon Post was one of them. Even if she isn't a daily reader she, like a lot of people, will have heard of it.

It's been proven that people are more likely to buy from those they know, like and trust (KLT). 

Being features in an international publication (or any place that your ICA can be found) gives you instant credibility which means not just the know factor but the trust factor too.  

(I teach my clients how to find out exactly where their ICA hangs out so they don't waste time (or money) marketing in the wrong places.)

3) I wrote something I knew would appeal to my ICA and she'd get value from

You need to be providing your potential clients with content that shows you are an expert in your field. The 'trust' part in the KLT factor comes when you demonstrate you know your stuff. The internet is a noisy world full of so-called 'competition'. For this reason, I actually believe in giving away high-quality content that my ICA would otherwise pay for. I know my stuff and I aim to prove it time and time again. You want your ICA to think: "Wow, if this is her FREE stuff then I can't imagine what you get when you pay her." 

(I teach my clients how to generate content ideas and give value WITHOUT giving away so much people don't need to hire them!)   

4) I remembered that if you don't ask, you don't get

I wanted to be in The Huffington Post as a personal goal as well as getting in front of millions of my ideal clients. It was on my vision board for over a year. This summer I decided to make it happen. So I asked. 

When I was a image consultant, I contacted the local newspapers and told them I thought they might like to hear about what I did and share it with their readers, even though I was absolutely terrified. 

I actually just found a clipping from one of the papers I was in in 2009. Check it out below...

Ha! Time flies. I haven't changed a bit (wink).

Sometimes you have to stretch yourself outside your comfort zone. Like Jack Canfield said, everything you want is on the other side of fear.

(I help my clients get bucket-loads of confidence and self-belief so they can step out of their comfort zones. I then hold them accountable to keep going for and achieving their goals.) 

5) I made it clear what's in it for them 

I emailed Arianna Huffington herself. I told her who I am, summed up my story and pitched exactly why I thought her readers would benefit from me being a contributor. Less than 24hrs later I got a personal reply from her! Wow. 

I was confident that I could provide great value as a contributor but that's only after doing lots of work on defining my message, realising my value and building my self-belief!

(I help my clients get clear on what they have to offer so they can confidently pitch to newspapers, magazines and large online publications.)  

There you have it, that's how I got into The Huffington Post. You can use this formula to get visible on any platform. Give it a go!

Emma xx
P.S. What often stops us taking action is lack of clarity and confidence. Are you ready to get paid (more) and do more of what you love? I can support you to: clarify your ICA; find out where your ICA hangs out; use language that gets your ICA paying; know the value you provide and increase your confidence and self-belief.

Click the button below to take a look at my coaching programs:

8 Pieces of Advice for Every Entrepreneur...after 8 Years Of Being One

My 8 Pieces of Advice for Every Entrepreneur...after 8 years of being one

I can't quite believe it but this time 8 years ago I started my first business as an Image Consultant. I was completely clueless back then and hadn't realised that by definition it meant I was an entrepreneur (eeek!). Now I love working for myself and I coach other women to make that a reality too.

Here are my 8 pieces of advice for every entrepreneur:

1) Get clear on your end goal.

What does your 'finished' business look like? (This will change over time and that's okay but you have to have a goal).

If you don't programme your GPS to where you want to go then it can't help you. You have to know WHERE you're headed otherwise you'll get lost and take detours and feel like you're being very busy but not actually get anywhere.

2) Take steps towards your end goal every day.

Once you know what your end goal is you can start chipping away at it every day. Even on days you don't feel like it. You need to get your message out there and in front of the right audience. 

You can batch content creation so you generate a few days, weeks (or even months) worth of content. Get in front of your ideal client every day and give them value. 

3) Spend time on your mindset daily

You must programme yourself to think like an entrepreneur (you need a very different mindset to an employee). Success in 80% mindset and 20% the action you take. Although that doesn't mean you can't take action (see above). You need to have courage and CONFIDENCE in yourself. Otherwise you'll fall into 'comparisonitis'.

4) Use a stopwatch to keep you focused.

Without a boss breathing down your neck and tight deadlines to meet it can be very easy to get distracted and then you become overwhelmed. Write out 3 things you want to achieve that day and do those first. Decide how long you think they should take and then set a timer (Toggl is a great tool for this). Don't allow yourself to do anything else before the timer goes off. Be realistic though - you can't expect your brain to focus for over 60 mins without giving it a 5 minute break. Then go again. 

5) Work on your 'Money Mindset' 

You need to work on your relationship with money, otherwise you can be doing everything right and still block yourself from success. Read wealth consciousness books like Think and Grow Rich. Find your blocks and do work to disprove and release them. E.F.T. is great for this.

6) Take some time off to recharge.

The best ideas come when you unplug and switch off. Meditate. Walk in the woods. Exercise. Have a nap. have a bubble bath in the middle of the day. Do whatever brings you joy and peace. That way you clear the space for new and exciting ideas to pop up. Just like a computer browser, your brain can have too many tabs open! You need to take the time for self-care. 

7) Surround yourself with like-minded people.

Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. That includes their ambition and income (ouch!). Some of my best friends, I met through running my business. Your vibe attract your tribe as they say. And I believe that your tribe affects your vibe. You may outgrow people in your life; some people won't agree with what you do (and/or be jealous of it) but you can't dime your light to make someone else feel better about themselves. Keep doing what you love and you will find people who love you for it. 

8) Hire a coach

A coach will help you compress your timeline and hold you accountable. I can't think of a single entrepreneur who wouldn't love and need both of those things.

I'm not just saying this because I am a coach. I've worked with coaches in all of the 8 years I've been running a business. The right coach will give you a MASSIVE R.O.I. (return on investment). You can do more in 3 months with a coach than a year, or more, on your own. They will save you so much time, effort, stress and money. 

What are your pieces of advice for success in business?

Are you ready to turn the business your dream of into reality? I'd love to help you. 

Book a FREE Discovery Call and let's see if we would be a good fit to work together. 

4 Reasons to Use Tinyurl.com

One of my clients was so excited when I told her about tinyurl.com that I thought I'd share why I believe every online business owner needs to take advantage of this fantastic tool. 

What is tinyurl?

A url is the website address e.g. www.emma-ward.com takes you to my site. Tinyurl lets you make shorter, customised urls. It looks like this:

Here's 4 reasons why I use it.

1) It shortens the characters of your url

The obvious one - it shortens long urls. When I was an Image Consultant, I had a website called Image Your Image. Rather than telling people to visit a crazy long url like: www.imagineyourimage.com/how-to-wear-a little-black-dress I would tell them to go to tinyurl.com/howtowearLBD and it would instantly direct them. 

If you have a really long url, people won't remember it or they'll remember only part of it and then give up when they get to the wrong site. This is NOT what you want when they are clearly interested enough to search for you!

2) It's great for people who don't know you

Sometimes it doesn't actually save a lot of space but I still use it. For example, my free opt-in is called 'Confidence Is The New Black'. It's at www.emma-ward.com/confidenceisthenewblack so www.tinyurl.com/confidenceisthenewblack only saved me TWO characters.

BUT, if people don't know me then they're less likely to remember the emma-ward part. So when I post it on social media or mention the link in a video, they're more likely to remember tinyurl and the title.  

3) It means you can grab the url before someone else does. 

I have a programme called Love Your Body. I tried to get tinyurl.com/loveyourbody but someone else got there before me. Now whenever I'm creating courses, I grab the tinyurl version as well.

If you have a great title then make sure you get the tinyurl.com version so you are synonymous with the name rather than someone else. 

4) You can start to use it to build your brand. 

I used to shorten Imagine Your Image to IYI and when I ran events I could have advertised it as something like:

www.tinyurl.com/IYI-Richmond

That's easier to remember and also looks good. You want to start creating memorable urls; you can even link it to a hashtag.

This is great for social media posts like Instagram and Pinterest where you can't add a link to each post as easily but you want to start building a memorable brand.   

Bitly.com shortens urls too - you'll need to sign up for an account to customise them but that only takes a few seconds and it's free. 

It's great fun. Try it for yourself and let me know how you find it, I love hearing from you.

Emma xx
I have 5 free calls left for this month. Want me to spend 20 minutes helping you to move your business forwards? Book your FREE NEXT STEPS CLARITY CALL now.

Business Confidence Affirmations

Want a 2 minute Confidence Blast?

Listen to this recording and let it seep into your subconscious mind. 

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Want more? 

Sign up for my FREE 5-Part Confidence Series for entrepreneurs. 

• 3 Confidence Training Audios

• Business Confidence Affirmations (longer than above)
• Mind Movie to programme your mind for Business Confidence

Click below to sign up: